Demon Inside

There was something about her, beyond her wrinkled smiling face. Beyond her soft white curls and the plump of her cheeks. Her expectant eyes. There seemed to be a cruel smugness that lie in her heart. It was only noticed by another, who recognized her own repressed demon inside.

Mixer Test

This morning I woke up with the urge to make cupcakes. I don’t make cupcakes that much. And most of my baked goods are experiments. In fact, today is no different. I’m testing out my beautiful egg blue mixer — a gift from two of my besties. And a version of this recipe. Here is my version considering just what I have in the house. I used regular flour. My eggs were cold. I mixed milk, then all the flour then all the milk instead of the flour, milk, flour, milk then the rest of the flour. 2 percent milk instead of buttermilk.

It turned out soft and spongy, but it’s not the texture I like. The frosting though super delicious (how can confectioner’s sugar, butter, and whipped cream taste bad?) the it was too liquidy and not what, I’m sure, the author intended. I’m also bad at directions.

So next time I’m going to have to make a few changes. Or maybe prep better and stick with the recipe.

 


mixerwithfrosting nanacupcake

Quote

Erin Gloria Ryans’ “You may not agree with a woman…”

You may not agree with a woman, but to criticize her appearance — as opposed to her ideas or actions — isn’t doing anyone any favors, least of all you. Insulting a woman’s looks when they have nothing to do with the issue at hand implies a lack of comprehension on your part, an inability to engage in high-level thinking. You may think she’s ugly, but everyone else thinks you’re an idiot. ~Erin Gloria Ryans

Image

…food… coconut layer cake

This jello-ey cake is super delicious and easy to make. Basically, purchase the box, add coconut milk and steam. I didn’t have food coloring so I mixed in some red sprinkles on hand and viola, the milky mixture turned red. Do you love easy? I LOVE easy. (yes and that is my favorite drink in the background 😉 )

Coconut Layer Cake

Coconut Layer Cake

Frozen in Fear

Last night I had a nightmare. I woke up, frozen. In fear. I was afraid. And I couldn’t move. I stretched my arm to reach for my phone. But curled up and couldn’t shake the feeling. An hour passes. I know I have to get up eventually. But I still can’t move. What was that dream? What bits of it stayed with me this long? Did I dream of ghosts? Monsters? Still, it is a day later and I’m still wearing the feeling. Is it dread I feel? Or premonition?

My sister is not here with me this week. I am sleeping alone in my house. Though we rarely even spoke, I never noticed how often I look in her direction while wasting time on the internet. I feel as though she is there. But I know she is not.

Small noises make my heart jump.

Thoughts of worst case scenarios are a jumble in my mind. What will I do if someone broke into my house? I don’t even have a weapon.

I don’t believe in ghosts, 99.9% of the time, but I am afraid that they are real.

Maybe it’s instinct. My body knows I’m in transition and is steeling itself in defense for the unstable environment. Maybe I’m too stressed out. With too much responsibility that no-one has asked me to do. Maybe my passive self-hate is finally manifesting.

I don’t know.

I only know, when I can’t move.